The Unity Candidate

One of the things that has really bothered me about the 2008 Presidential campaign is the shabby way that Dennis Kucinich has been treated. The media has never taken him seriously, and they have often been dismissive towards both him and his candidacy.

And this isn’t fair. Once before in a post, I had said that I had “a hard time disagreeing with anything that came out of Kucinich’s mouth”. I stand by that. In addition to having the right answers to almost every issue, he doesn’t pander to the voters. He answers any question put to him thoughtfully, intelligently and accurately. If these were the days of radio instead of TV, my guess is that Kucinich would be leading in the Democratic polls, and would likely come out on top when matched against any Republican in the field.

But we are in the TV age, unfortunately, and Kucinich is a radio candidate. Short and slightly dangerous in appearance, his looks almost play right into the hands of the media’s notions of his being the “whack-job” candidate. If you were to put one of those small, block mustaches under his nose, he’d look not unlike, well … Eva’s boyfriend.

As someone who thinks, speaks, and writes intelligently (thank you very much), and yet is plagued with profoundly ethnic features myself (in my case, southern Italian), I can certainly relate to Kucinich’s frustration. I know first hand how difficult it can sometimes be to get my point across when I’m delivering it in person, as opposed to doing so in a forum such as this. And it isn’t fair, but it is the way things are.

On the Republican side, we have someone who is essentially the anti-Kucinich: Mitt Romney.

Mitt is a tremendously good-looking man. Tall, athletic, rugged, with hair to die for, and an impeccable dresser. If I didn’t already that know he was a Mormon, I’d swear that he’s gay. The TV cameras love him.

But when it comes to ideas, Mitt is an empty husk. And talk about flip-flopping. It seems he’s never met a position he couldn’t change his mind on. Even John McCain laughingly observed that Mitt was the “candidate of change”.

But, man, what a looker, huh ?

If you could only take Mitt and Dennis and merge them into a single smart, good-looking candidate.

Well, here at OMT, we can, and so today we are announcing the candidacy of;

Senator Demmit Kuromney.

Tall, ruggedly handsome, intelligent, thoughtful, the Senator is the only candidate running who voted against authorizing the war in Iraq and against funding its continuation. As President, he will push for immediate withdrawal of American troops from the region.

Beaming his gleaming smile, Senator Kuromney manfully outlines his plan for a Universal, Single-Payer, Not-for-Profit health care system.

With a wink to the ladies, Senator Kuromney says, “I will make it a national priority to fight poverty worldwide. I understand that the path to a safe, strong America is through peace, tolerance and committing our nation to eradicating the root causes of global poverty”.

His hair tussled boyishly by the breeze, Senator Kuromney speaks forcefully about how he will “instill ethics, accountability and fairness in global trade and big business”.

Women and men weep openly as Senator Kuromney delivers his stump speech: “For most American families, the loss of a job or one serious illness spells catastrophe. Stagnant wages, expensive health care and rising education costs are vital issues being ignored by the Congress and White House. As a champion of working families, I will lead America into expanding opportunities, universal health care, restore our schools and strengthen Social Security and protections for private pensions”.

By bringing both the Democrat’s substance and the Republican’s style into a single smart and drop-dead gorgeous candidate, Senator Demmit Kuromney is the real “unity candidate”, who can finally span the red/blue state divide, and bring the country together, ringing the curtain down on the divisive politics of the past 16 years.

Senator Demmit Kuromney. What’s not to like ?