By now, everyone’s had a chance to absorb and digest Newt Gingrich’s latest racist, anti-intellectual attack on President Obama, in which he regurgitates the fantastic ravings of Dinesh D’Souza, whose recent piece in Forbes gives new meaning to the phrase “seriously fucked up”.
Newt has outraged pretty much everyone whose soul isn’t as putrid and fetid as his with the observation that D’Souza has a “stunning insight” into Obama’s “Kenyan, anti-colonial” worldview, all because Obama’s father, who abandoned Obama when he was just 2 years old, had somehow planted the seed in the boy’s mind that America is a “force for global domination and destruction”. That “he came to view America’s military as an instrument of neocolonial occupation”. And that “he adopted his father’s position that capitalism and free markets are code words for economic plunder”.
Oh, it goes on and on, spiraling deeper and deeper into madness. But the analysis of D’Souza’s screed is not why we’re tapping at the keyboard today, so if you want more, you’ll just have to click on the link above and read it for yourself.
No, Newt’s the subject of this post today, and we would be remiss if we were to digress, as we so often do, rather than focus our attention on a man who was once described as “a cross between Ivan the Terrible and a feral pig”.
Actually, we just described him as that this very moment, so don’t waste your time thrashing through Google trying to track down who originally said that. Stay with us.
That Gingrich has porcine origins goes a long way toward understanding his worldview. Consider the following headline in the February 28, 2004 edition of The Christian Science Monitor: “Gingrich Admits to Having Affair With Sow During Clinton Impeachment“. Did you read that correctly? You did. Gingrich has a long history of sexual congress with livestock, most notably, but not limited to, pigs. According to an aide, Gingrich likes to dress sows up in ballerina costumes and then ritually undress them before ultimately consummating the act. His sexual appetite for pigs is so voracious that his wife was once heard complaining, “It’s the smell that upsets me the most. When he comes into our bed, he smells just awful, and more often than not, I sleep in the other room. But he works awfully hard, you know, and I don’t want to deny him what few pleasures he has”.
The oddities go on and on. When one considers his unwavering support of subsidies for pork producers when he was in Congress, his well-known hatred of Jews and Muslims, both of whom eschew pork as “unclean”, the fact that “Piggies” from the White Album is his favorite Beatles song, even his vehement defense of Porky Pig when Warner Brothers Studios was considering retiring the character from their productions, a picture begins to emerge of Gingrich that helps our understanding of what goes on inside the musty corridors of his mind.
The most accurate, predictive model for his behavior would be that he is a pig. Some have even gone so far to say that he is a fucking pig. In fact, one well-known journalist who spent considerable time with Newt while he was Speaker of the House described Gingrich as a “fucking pig bastard son of a bitch”.
It’s the “son of a bitch” comment that is of particular interest. Does this imply that Gingrich carries canine blood as well? We asked the journalist, who didn’t want to give his name, to clarify his characterization of Newt.
“He’s just not human, you know?”, he said. “The way I’ve seen him behave, at private parties and the like, is just reprehensible. All that snorting and oinking he does, which he thinks is charming, but I think is just rude and classless”.
But what about the “son of a bitch” comment, we asked.
“Oh, there’s no doubt in my mind that there’s some canine in his DNA”, the journalist said. “At a soirée at the Canadian embassy once, everyone was aghast when they found Newt humping the arm of a sofa in the Ambassador’s residence. And this was while he was Speaker of the House”.
Can it be possible that this man who has walked in the highest corridors of power, who even today is considering a run for the Presidency in 2012, is some kind of a human/pig/dog hybrid? Are the allegations made above, about his sexual dalliances with pigs and possibly other animals true, or just the ravings of, well, us?
The truth of the matter is, we just don’t know. Certainly, it would seem that there is a lot of evidence to suggest that these allegations are true, but only if you are as mentally unhinged as Newt himself is. Only if you accept the kinds of racist, moronic observations of some whack-job who managed to get an article published in Forbes magazine, and use them to portray the President of the United States as some kind of foreign interloper, hell bent on turning America into some kind of socialist, “anti-colonial” dictatorship; only if you buy all of the ridiculous notions that Newt asserts as though they are the God’s-honest truth.
Only in a world like that is it also possible to believe that Newt Gingrich is part-human, part-pig, part-dog, and enjoys carnal pleasure with livestock.
That is apparently the kind of world in which Newt lives. And so, logic dictates that in a world where Barack Obama is a “Kenyan anti-colonialist”, then in that very same world Newt Gingrich is a pig fucker.
It only stands to reason.
And without reason, all is lost.
